“I am not a feminist because…”
“I am not a feminist”, a lot of women proclaim proudly. “I love men.”
It is not just older women who make such statements, even young women do. At the heart of the sentiment is an unclear understanding of what feminism really is, and it is important to attempt to clear some of these misconceptions.
“I am not a feminist. I don’t hate men.”
Women who make this statement harbour under the misconception that feminism is a male v/s female battle, and that feminist seek to destroy men.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Stripped to its basics, feminism seeks to establish a world where there is personal, social, economic and political equality for both genders. All that feminism attempts to do is to destroy patriarchal ideals which treat women as lesser beings than men. Feminism certainly doesn’t want to oppress men, it only tries to stop the systemic oppression of women.
Feminism is not a battle between the sexes. However, since society today is patriarchal in nature, seeking equality does mean that men lose some of the traditional privileges that they enjoyed. This, however, shouldn’t stop women from being feminists.
“I don’t think men are trash. My father/ brother/ husband is a man. They are not trash.”
Feminists don’t think individual men are trash either. When a feminist says “Men are Trash”, she is drawing attention to the fact that the power structure is stacked against women, and that men often knowingly or unknowingly indulge in behavior that is detrimental to women. “Men are Trash” is not a judgment on men, it is a plea to men to get them to examine if they are doing enough to call out toxic masculinity and to help create an equitable society for women.
“I am not weak. I don’t need feminism.”
Women who say this, seem to imply that it is a sign of weakness to talk about institutional sexism. However nothing can be further from the truth. To succeed professionally, women have to be stronger, tougher, and more qualified than their male counterparts. They are judged more critically than men, and are repeatedly forced to prove their competence and their commitment.
Ironically, women who think they don’t need feminism are women who are often benefiting from the enabling environment created by other women, and with that attitude are actually making the workplace more difficult for the women who come after them.
Acknowledging structural inequity is not a sign of weakness. It merely draws attention to the fact that to succeed, a woman shouldn’t have to be so much stronger and better than the men they’re working with.
“I am not a feminist. I want my man to take care of me.”
Feminism doesn’t reject traditional gender roles; all that feminism does is to state that traditional roles need not be the default. It creates a space for re-examining gender stereotypes and establishing a relationship that works best for both partners.
A family where the woman is a stay-at-home mother and the man goes out and works, could be a feminist couple, as long as those are roles that the couple have chosen and/ or negotiated for themselves.
“I don’t want to be a feminist. I like to wear pretty clothes.”
“I don’t smoke or drink. I am not a feminist.”
Feminism does not typecast women into sartorial or behavioural stereotypes. You can be a feminist in a burqa or a bikini. You can choose to smoke and drink, or do neither. A feminist can wear red lipstick and a feminist can shun make-up. Feminism is not prescriptive. It lets you choose what you wear, how you project yourself and what behavior you indulge in.
In an ideal world, all women would be feminists. Because feminism gives women the freedom to negotiate the terms in which they choose to live their lives.
