What do we mean when we say ‘Men are Trash’

[It is easy to get offended when a woman says ‘Men are Trash’. But try understanding what we really mean when we say it.]

“Men are Trash”
One just has to utter the words for the reactions to flow in-
“Not All Men”
“What about your father, brother, husband, son?”
“It is okay when a 19 year old says it, but I expected better from you.”

But all those reactions completely miss the point. Just how difficult can it be to understand that ‘Men are Trash’ doesn’t in any way imply that *all* men are trash.

All that the words attempt to do is to draw attention to the fact that the power structure is stacked against women.
I was co-parented by a man who loved, cherished and protected me much more than my mother did. A man who’s entire world revolved around me, and who would have plucked stars from the night sky and gifted them to me if he could.
My father was certainly not trash.
Neither is the man I married. Nor his father.
All the male friends I have. They aren’t trash either.
Not even many strangers who have gone out of their way to be kind.
I don’t need to be told ‘not all men’, because I know it.

When I know not all men are trash, why do I even think of saying ‘men are trash’?
I say that to draw attention to the fact that society is patriarchal. That the power structure is stacked against women. And people are doing enough to dismantle the old order.
When children are told ‘snakes are dangerous’, it doesn’t mean all snakes are dangerous. It means that since we do not know which snakes are dangerous and which are not, it is safer to assume all snakes are dangerous and stay clear.
‘Men are trash’ is too is similar- it is a generalization. And like with all generalizations there are exceptions; many of them.
Responding to ‘men are trash’ with ‘not all men’ is unhelpful.
It shifts the discourse from the men who are a problem to those who are not the problem. It distracts from the argument and trivialises the original grievance.
‘Men are trash’ is not about individual men, or even about a collective of men.
‘Men are trash’ is just a way of saying ‘society is inherently misogynistic and cannot provide either physical or emotional safety for woman.’
It is an issue that has to be acknowledged and fixed.
Women understand that toxic masculinity has been built up over generations and cannot be deconstructed in a day. Yet, it is extremely frustrating that despite a lifetime of fighting against it, things haven’t changed much.
‘Men are trash’ is a cry in the dark because change, if it comes at all, is so slow in coming.
The next time a woman says ‘men are trash’, instead of rushing to defend yourself understand the anger, frustration, fear and pain that lies behind those words.
When a woman says ‘men are trash’ she is asking you to reexamine your notions about masculinity.
She is asking you to analyze your own behaviour. She is asking you if you are calling out misogyny when you encounter it.
She is asking if you are doing enough to stop the men who are damaging the reputation of other men.
Men are trash is essentially a plea to tell men that we need you to get to a more equitable society faster.
If ‘men are trash’ offends a male, it is meant to.
It is a challenge to men. To join women in creating a more equitable society.